Friday, May 8, 2009

"Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.” -Larry Kersten

Yesterday, I made an attempt at shaving my nether regions.

Its a good thing I have a sense of humor and was a able to laugh at myself most of the time. If not, I may have ended up crying (I actually might have just a little). This was not an easy task, as my newly protruding pregnant belly has made it nearly impossible to even see the majority of the area around there.

Joe (bless his heart), had offered to help me out and shave it for me, but if there was a way, I would rather keep this task to something I do on my own. Last night he was gone for a few hours playing softball, so I thought it would be a good idea to make my attempt (I now know it would have been safer to atleast have him in the house).

I decided to just use my "feminine clippers", removing the guard and getting as close as possible. I would forego using my razor all together. I didn't think it would be safe (I now know that it could have been lethal).

So I set up shop and started going at it with the clippers. It was f-ing impossible to do anything when you can't even see what is going on, and I didn't feel very comfortable whacking away blindly. I kept trying different angles, leaning from one side to another, pushing my belly this way and that. This was not working.

Arg.

I then went out into my bedroom to grab my full length mirror. I dragged it into the bathroom and leaned it up against the wall, starting at about 2 feet away on the bottom so I could kind of stand over it with my legs spread apart. This seemed to be working at first, but it was still hard to see what was going on down there. I was doing okay with everything right up front, but the stuff further back was out of reach.

Grunt.

I picked up the mirror and laid it on the ground. I stepped one leg on each side and crouched down. What a site!! From this angle I could see everything. And I now realized just how freaking HUGE my boobs had become. Holy Crap! I have always had pretty decent size breasts, but these were getting out of control. The frontal view I was used to had not been doing them justice. My legs started shaking.

Sigh.

I then decided to try getting down on my knees. Once in this position, on my knees, with my legs spread apart, straddling the full length mirror that was laying on the ground, I was finally able to finish things up, with minimal damage (yes, I did manage to nick myself a few times).

What an ordeal.

I am hopeful that next time will be much easier, as my last position seemed to work pretty well and I think I have it figured out now. With practice I will be a pro in no time.

And today I feel so much better, as I have never been a big fan of the 70's style bush.

On a brighter side, it is easier to shave my legs now that I am so swollen from the humidity that my once bony ankles and knees are now smooth with my new puffy skin.

Ahh, the silver lining.

Happy Friday everyone!

7 comments:

Littlet T said...

Total flash back to Fried Green Tomatoes:

Evelyn Couch: I can't even look at my own vagina!
Ninny Threadgoode: Well I can't help you on that one honey.

Good work, friend. I just hope your crouching vajayjay, hide-the-bush continues to work for you:-) Thanks for making me smile on this dreary Friday.

Joanne Espenshade said...

omg! Thats great- and girl you got a bit to go yet!!! :) Love you putting it all out there on the world mirror!!!

Jillian said...

Oh my goodness!! This was an hilarious post!! I have had this problem as well and I just blindly put my razor down there now and just hope I get it all:)

Anrazel said...

Nice. Nothing like a good vagina story to end the week!

Myshka said...

Oh, babe. Too funny. i was half expecting a picture update, but thank god you didn't. I almost picture one of those hairless cats that cut cut in a fight. HAHAHA.

You know what? I know this sounds extreme, but try waxing it. It feels amazing, someone can do it for you, and it doesn't grow back so fast. The pain isn't that bad. Or, if you're adverse to that, then you better start making it a good ol' time for Joe and throw in a couple of margaritas and it's a grand old party! (yes, hubby and I manage to try and make good times out of all this stuff, haha)

Gina said...

I just realized how wonderful the little shelves in my shower are. I just set my mirror up on them and away I shaved. Hmmmm...maybe I won't be selling our house until AFTER our next pregnancy just for that perfect vajayjay shaving shower. LOL.

Brittany Ann said...

HAhahaha, oh, I am dying! You are my hero for posting on this. I worry about this all the time when I get pregnant. However, you have definitely provided me with an option. It can be done! But my hubs would definitely need to be gone, too!