Thursday, August 5, 2010

An Update to Yesterdays Drama...

Nothing much has changed in regards to the subject of my last post. I wanted to thank everyone for offering your opinions and advice. The comments and emails I received made me feel much better. They definitely validated my feelings. The funny remarks also lifted my spirits and helped me to get over it.

Sometimes, when something as strange and off-kilter as that happens, it's hard to even rationalize and judge your own reaction to it. It's not a familiar situation... so being confident in my initial reaction and feelings about it were slow to come. I am not used to my (good) friends talking to me that way, especially so unprovoked.

I am done worrying about it and I am moving on.

But before I move on completely... I thought I would respond to some of your questions/comments... And yes, I am aware that this may be completely unnecessary and most likely somewhat immature. But to be honest, I am just not concerned. I'm going to have fun with it, even if it is at the cost of some of my "perceived" maturity level.

If you did not read my previous post, you might want to start there.

As far as lost in translation goes, as this seem to be a running theme among the comments, I would like to start with that. Texts are definitely notorious for causing this sort of problem. I would like to offer up some examples from our conversation, giving them other possible translations. Maybe I will see things in a new light. Who knows, maybe I will end up having to call her and apologize myself after this exercise. Let's begin.

"I just want to hang out with Joe. He sits at home while you go out, why can't you? I think that's wierd"

Now initially, I thought this meant that she just wanted to hang out with Joe. That she was telling me that he sits at home, while I go out, so why can't I do the same. And that she thinks that it's wierd that I won't let him do that as well. But, if I look into this a little more deeply, surely I can find some other meaning behind it...

I got nuthin.

Seriously people, what else could that possibly mean? Okay, so we are not off to the greatest start. But since some of you think that something could have been confused somewhere, I have confidence that maybe another example will produce greater results. Let's take her next text.

"I am sorry that you are so upset that I want to hang out with Joe. I offered to do dinner with all of us and then drinks but you said no. Joe works and goes to school. I don't get why he can't have time with his friends like you do.

Well atleast she's sorry I'm upset. To be honest, I felt some sarcasm there. But for argument sake, maybe she really does feel bad for me. And she did offer to do dinner with all of us before she took my husband out by themselves for drinks. But I said no. Did I say no? Actually, I don't remember ever saying no. I did, however, invite myself to join them. Wasn't it her that said no to that?

She says she doesn't get why he can't have time with his friends like I do. Hmmm. It really seems to me that she thinks that I get to have time with my friends and he doesn't. Now that's just silly. As anyone who hangs out with us on a regular basis knows that Joe actually sees his friends MORE then I do. But, MAYBE she really means just her? That I get time with her alone, so why can't he? If that's what she meant, then that would be true. So true infact, that Joe has never gone out with her by themselves without me there.

"I never get to see Joe and he rarely gets away. You enjoy your time away, why can't he? Why is it so weird that I want to hang out with him? Do I need your permission to be his friend now? I think you are being unfair.

Now the first part of this really is sounding familiar. The "You-get-to-go-out-and-Joe-doesn't" bit is really starting to get old here. This is clearly not an issue for me and Joe, so why is it for her? Again, unless she means time away with her. Then okay, she is right on this one too. Why is it weird that she wants to hang out with him? I don't think it's wierd at all. Joe is lots of fun to hang out with. In fact, that's one of the reasons I married him. Does she need my permission to be his friend? No. Everyone should be Joe's friend. She thinks I am being unfair. I suppose she does have a right to her opinion, even if it doesn't make any sense at all.

"I am not questioning your rule. Joe doesn't even do that."

This one is really interesting to me. Unlike some of the previous statements. This one really could be translated in different ways. "Rule" could mean several things. Let's look at it's definition:

1.a. Governing power or its possession or use; authority.
1.b. The duration of such power.
2.a. An authoritative, prescribed direction for conduct, especially one of the regulations governing procedure in a legislative body or a regulation observed by the players in a game, sport, or contest.
2. b. The body of regulations prescribed by the founder of a religious order for governing the conduct of its members.
3. A usual, customary, or generalized course of action or behavior: "The rule of life in the defense bar ordinarily is to go along and get along" (Scott Turow).
4. A generalized statement that describes what is true in most or all cases: In this office, hard work is the rule, not the exception.
5. Mathematics A standard method or procedure for solving a class of problems.
6. Law
A court order limited in application to a specific case.
b. A subordinate regulation governing a particular matter.
7. See ruler.
8. Printing A thin metal strip of various widths and designs, used to print borders or lines, as between columns.

My first impression of what she meant really does seem to fit the majority of the options for a definition. But as you can see, there are infact, other options. See #8. It just so happens that, as a graphic artist, I do work at a print shop. Maybe she wants to point out that she is not questioning some of the equipment that I use at work. Joe doesn't question that sort of thing, so why would she? And if that's what she meant, then I thank her. I really don't need her questioning how I run my marriage with my husband and how I operate things at my job. That would really be going too far.

"Grow up. You are his wife not his fucking wardon."

Hmmph. This one has me even more stumped on alternative meanings. It really seems that she is suggesting I grow up. I wonder if she ever did read this, if she would think I took that suggestion or not? I am his wife, she is absolutely correct there, although she seems to forget it everywhere else in the conversation. And no, I am not his fucking wardon. Now, was she using "fucking" as an adjective or a verb? Here, I can see other translations.

Alright. I took into consideration some of your suggestions that things might have been "lost in translation". I am now thinking you are all full of shit. No offense. But really, you are. That exercise really has me feeling better though!

As far as Joe being in on what is going on. Yes, he is fully aware. In fact, he read the entire message after we got home from work and was even being informed mid-text conversation. And yes, we are definitely on the same page.

I hope you enjoyed this little exercise just as much as I did. And if there was a prize for the comment that made me laugh the most, it would have to be between Gina and Nikki.

But thank you to everyone for sharing your two cents!

Update (one hour later): I just want to clarify, that this post was not meant to be taken seriously. I do agree that things can definitely be lost in translation and something may have been in this case (although for the most part I am pretty sure I know what she was saying). I do not think that anyone suggesting that is full of shit. I totally respect your opinion and would never want to offend you:)


Gina said...

Oh, it is all perfectly clear now. But you kind of are his fucking warden. I mean, you do decide who he may and may not fuck, which is obviously your wifely duty. I'm certain that's what she meant. I'm sure it was a typo and she meant to say you ARE his fucking warden. Thanks for the laugh...that was awesome.

Anna said...

I actually don't feel like I am full of shit. I think that having an arguement through a text message that ultimately ends a friendship is a really bad idea. Even if she says the exact same things to you over the phone or in person, at least you take her tone of voice into consideration. You also didn't look at any of your texts back to her and how they might have been mis-interpreted. I'm not saying they were, but it is possible. See, even now I am having a hard time communicating what I am trying to say through typing.
All I meant was, I think you should speak to her personally and give both of you a chance to clarify what you have both said.

Laura said...

I was just joking about anyone being full of shit. You knew that right? The entire post was one big joke. I hope I didn't offend you, because I ofcourse do not think you are full of shit!

I was just making light of an otherwise unhappy situation. I wasn't even really offering real alternative translations.

Although I feel very confident that she was out of line and very hurtful, I tried to make it clear at the beginning that I was fully aware of how immature I was being, and I was just having fun. If anyone is offended, then I really am sorry, I certainly didn't mean to.

Anna said...

This actually proves my point. Read this paragraph out of context and tell me how it sounds...

"Alright. I took into consideration some of your suggestions that things might have been "lost in translation". I am now thinking you are all full of shit. No offense. But really, you are. That exercise really has me feeling better though!"

I actually didn't know you were joking about that part, but now I do. Thanks for the clarification :)

CAKE. by Sarah Jane said...

I'm with Anna. Though, those texts were very convicting, we didn't get to see the other side of the conversation. Some people don't read well, or read texts in haste and misinterpret them. Obviously, as another wife and friend of yours, I totally get why you'd be upset. I would have been the same in your situation. But, still think that maybe there was some communication glitches. Or, maybe I just think that because I can't comprehend how an argument like this can even happen and a good friend can betray another in this way. But, I'm still trying to find the answer and feel it's not right until all evidence and both stories and arguements are presented. After all, she's not here to defend herself or explain. It seems that you have been such great friends and you both care about eachother. I hope this all gets worked out and blows over and everything can be back to normal for you both. Or, at least if the relationship changes by decision, you can still be at peace with each other. Stay strong! Love you!

Laura said...

If someone was offended by something I typed, and I didn't mean it that way, I would definitely want to clarify immediately. Unless ofcourse, I did mean it that way. Then I would let them keep thinking that.

Just sayin.

Flat Foot Floozy said...

I am offended that me and Gina are tied:(

Laura said...

Well you guys were the top two... Nikki, yours may have been a little funnier though :)

Flat Foot Floozy said...

That's because I used curse words.......isn't it? But seriously, you should just text her back and kindly ask if she is planning something exciting!♥

Watching The River Run said...

This post is hilarious. Thanks ya'll for a mid-day chuckle. I hope teasing and laughing and joking will help you cope. And I secretly like that you and Anna got your messages lost in translation. Se La Vie

Lil' Woman said...

Well since I'm full of shit (and I sided with you) I'm taking Joe out and getting him shitfaced whether your warden ass likes it or not....Yeah what!?

(Totally joking...just going with the theme of the day :) I'm pretty sure Joe would be like 'Who the eff is this chick?')

Gina said...

What??!? Nikki is funnier? Whatever. Now I really AM taking Joe out for sushi and I DON'T want you to come. And I might just jump right on him to remind him how easy and fun sex with a 9-month preggo is. So there.

Jillian said...

Okay I didn't even know you were back up and posting regularly!! Where have I been, heck where has my blog reader been?? Well I'm not a good person to give advice on this because I have tons of friends that hurt me over and over again and I still continue to be their friends! I'm pathetic:)