Are we there yet?

I feel like all I talk about or think about anymore is having this baby. But I guess with only 3 weeks to go until my due date and my physical state making it impossible for me to forget that I am pregnant, what else can you expect?

I guess I could talk about food... that is something I still enjoy from my past life...

I feel a huge responsibility to take in as much information as I can, atleast when it comes to important topics, where I have to make decisions that can affect the rest of her life. Sometimes I feel like I need to just relax more and take things as they come, but I can't help feeling like it is part of my job as her mother. I don't want to give the impression that I am becoming one of those overly protective, paranoid, get-all-my-answers-from-books type of mothers, because I don't feel I am going in that direction, but I have always been a "planner" and I have always enjoyed thoroughly educating myself on something before I dive right in. I don't think that becoming a mother of all things, should be completely different. I know there are many things that will be learned as I go, but I feel that if I arm myself with some information, it will help my transition into motherhood advance more smoothly.

I am having a really hard time choosing her pediatrician. I have interviewed some, but still haven't found "the one". I have high hopes for the doctor we are meeting with on Tuesday. She came highly recommended and has a great background both in education and experience. I am hoping our search can end there. I also know she is comfortable with working around parent's vaccine concerns, and that is important. I want a doctor who is an advocate for breastfeeding and has experience helping mothers with problems (just incase I have any). I know that I will never find a doctor that has everything I am looking for, but there are a few things that are extra important to me, for my family, and I am hoping that our doctor will atleast match up in those areas.

Currently I am reading Dr. Sears' book about vaccinations. I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading it, but I was relieved to find it wasn't an anti-vaccine book. I did start reading another one that was completely anti-vaccine. I think it overdramatized the facts and gave me hyperbolic reasons and examples to avoid vaccinating. I put it down and moved on. I don't think all vaccines are bad and I don't believe there is a direct correlation between shots and autism. But I do feel some may be unnecessary and I wanted a book that would give me information, both pros and cons, so I could weigh my options and make my own educated decisions, based on facts and accurate information, not on paranoid fear. I also don't feel comfortable giving her several shots at once and would like to spread them out more. I think this is just the book I was looking for. Hopefully I will feel more confident now about making decisions on the little munchkin's behalf.

I recently finished reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. I really liked this book. I have never felt comfortable with the "cry it out" methods, but wasn't sure about the complete opposite end of the spectrum either. This book had some great ideas and information that I believe we will actually use and be able to implement realistically into our lives. Its more geared towards families suffering from a very fussy baby with colic and my baby is going to be totally happy all the time and care free every minute, and sleep 6 hours a night within the first week, so I probably won't even need the info anyway (Yeah right!), but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

She's not even here yet, and I am already addicted to baby carriers. I have a moby wrap, 2 New Native Carriers (slings), a Hot Sling and an Ellaroo Mei Tai. Most of these were bought 2nd hand or given to me 2nd hand from a friend, I did buy the moby wrap and the Mei Tai carrier I bought on sale for almost 1/2 off! So atleast I haven't had to invest too much into them. I am looking forward to trying them out and seeing which ones work best for us.

I am already dreading going back to work and I haven't even started my maternity leave. I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I really think we could have been able to swing it if the economy hadn't gone down hill so much while the cost of living went up. I am still hoping that things will change and get better and I will be able to stay at home most of the time at a later date. I am very fortunate to be able to have an option that I am comfortable with and that really seems like the next best thing other then me or my husband being with her. I am hoping I am able to deal with this better then I think I will. Only time will tell.

I am going to share something mostly non-pregnancy related!

A while back you may remember me having some relationship issues with my husband. It was a really sad time for me and although I never feared it was anything we couldn't work out or get through, it broke my heart that we had found ourselves there in the first place. Especially since I found most of the blame and responsibility landing on my shoulders. Well I am happy to report that things are in a very different state these days. Infact, I think our relationship is now better then it has ever been. There is something new here, brought on partly I'm sure with going through a pregnancy together, but also in overcoming our problems and finding new ways to communicate and react to one another. I couldn't be happier with "us". And having so much loving support from my husband these days has sure made this pregnancy alot easier to get through as well. I am also proud of myself for seeing my fault(s) in everything and working hard to improve them. He too, has made some changes and we seem to be meshing very very well these days. There is no room for selfish pride in a good relationship. I know that now to be true more then ever.

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I am now going every week. I am going to discuss my birth plan with her today and hopefully get a better idea of how things may go down. We watched a childbirth class on dvd the other night, in lue of taking the class at the hospital, and it had alot of information on it that I hadn't known before. I have alot to talk to my doc about!

The weekend is almost here, I hope everyone is having a good week!