Where does the time go?

I am so bad. It's been months since I've blogged. Or atleast it seems like it. Life is so crazy busy right now its hard to find the time. I feel terrible I haven't updated things and I don't want to look back and have nothing to show for months at a time....

Things have been picking up alot for me at work and I have been super busy there. So after I get home from work, play with the munchkin, make dinner, clean up the kitchen, play some more, then put the munchkin to bed, then do some more chores, I am usually too tired to get on the computer. I always say I am going to make more time, and I really would love to, but we shall see....

I will try to get things caught up without going on for too long.

We have been in the new house for a little over a month now and we love it. The past year was hard as far as our living situation, but everything definitely worked out for the best and we couldn't be happier about it. We are pretty much settled. Everything is unpacked and put away. All that is left to do is hang some more things up on the wall. Right now my computer room is full of stuff that still needs to be hung up or set out somewhere. I just leave the door shut and most of the time pretend its not there. And since I rarely go in there to get on the computer anyway, that's not very hard to do.

Things are also getting much busier for Joe at work. This is great in many ways obviously, but since he is going to school now as well, lots more paperwork and lots of homework is alot to juggle. He is doing great though. I am so proud of him. His grades have been so good and he has been working really hard.

I have been on a new diet. I have been doing the HCG diet. Some of you may have heard of it, but if you are like me you never knew anything about it before. My sister decided to do it and once she told me about it, I thought she was crazy and that it sounded like a ridiculous idea. So I got online and researched it so that I could tell her it wasn't a safe diet, but the more I researched it, the better it sounded and I decided to try it myself. I am on day 25 and I have lost 18.5 lbs!! They are drops that I take under my tongue 3x a day, along with an extremely healthy low calorie diet. I am doing the homeopathic version, so it is safer with absolutely no side effects (there are also injections and prescriptions that you can get from a doc, but this is a little different) and I gotta say, I am feeling fantastic and my baby fat is finally going away! The diet is way to complex to explain right now, maybe I will try to dedicate a blog entry to it later. If you are curious though, just google homeopathic HCG diet. Or check out this link for a quick synopsis: HCG Diet Its absolutely crazy how amazing this diet is and how it has changed my life. Not only is it getting ridding of my stubborn baby fat, I have increased energy, and even my skin and hair are looking better. I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't going through it myself!

Update: Knowing what I know now, however, I would NOT recommend the HCG diet as a healthy way to lose weight.

Saturday is Joe's 30th birthday party. I am so excited. We rented out the top floor of a bar that we used to hang out at alot and there are a bunch of people coming. Some people we haven't even seen since the munchkin was born. I can't wait!! My friend Sarah is making his birthday cake and I am sooooo excited to see how it turns out. I will definitely post some pics. She is an amazing cake artist and I am always amazed with her creations. Joe is a huge Grateful Dead fan and she is going to design his cake in 3D to replicate the little train station from the cover of the Terrapin Station album. I can't wait to see it!

The munchkin is growing so fast, I just can't believe it. She is pulling up and walking along furniture, but not quite walking on her own yet. I expect that she will be doing that very soon though. She can crawl so fast, its crazy! She just starting feeding herself a little. I give her little gerber puffs and she can stick them in her mouth. For the longest time she would hold them in her fist, bring her fist to her mouth, but then she wouldn't open her fist. She would get so frustrated! So just last night she made a breakthrough and seems to be finally figuring things out. She is starting to get her pincher grasp going. She still has NO teeth! She is doing pretty good at mashing up some foods in her mouth, but I am kinda wary to give her too much without any teeth. She has started to clap a little bit. She babbles all the time. It's like she is having entire conversations in her little baby language. She has kinda started saying ma-ma-ma and da-da-da but I'm not totally sure she is really talking about us. My friend Gina watched her last week and worked on signing the word "more" with her. She actually seemed to be getting it!

I am so inlove with this little girl, I just can't believe how much she has changed our lives and how happy she has made us. I just never knew you could love someone this much. She just turned 9 months on the 9th. I can't believe that she is going to be a year old in only 2.5 months... time really does fly!

We are LOVING LOVING LOVING our new babysitter situation. First of all, it takes me 6 minutes to get to Stacy's house from mine, so to say she lives close is an understatement. I get up for work in the morning and give the munchkin her bottle, I then dress her and get her ready for the day. Then I put her in her pack n play with some toys and I leave for work. Joe finishes getting ready for work, then he feeds her breakfast and takes her to the sitter. I get off work at 3:00, then head straight to the sitter. I arrive around 3:15 to 3:30 depending on traffic. She is usually just waking up for her nap or still sleeping when I get there. I have known her sitter since high school so we were already friends. So sometimes, when she is still sleeping, I will just hang out and chat for a while until she wakes up. Once she does, I give her a bottle and we head home. She loves playing with Stacy's little boy and there is another little girl there too. She seems really happy there and everything is working out great. When Stacy needs a day off for vacation or whatever, the munchkin goes to her original sitter's house (our very first one) who she loves too and gets to play with her little girl Ada. It is so great to have such a wonderful back up as well and to have people that I really like and trust taking care of my little baby.

Here she is going swimming for the first time!! She was so scared and nervous at first, but then she finally warmed up to it.


Here she is with her little cousin.


And I will leave you with this video. Her little cuz kept trying to chew on her ear. It cracks me up....

“Those who wish to sing always find a song.” ~ Swedish Proverb

I warn you, this post will be LONG. I have a few things to update today. I have some good news about my job and the compromise my boss and I have come up with. I also have a pretty good idea of who will be watching my little one while I am working. But before I get to that, I have got to tell you all about the maternity pillow that the fedex driver delivered to my home yesterday. Please see last post for a photo.

I was skeptical at first. When I first unleashed what I am now going to refer to as The Beast, who was stuffed into an impossibly small box, I was concerned he (the beast is male, ofcourse) was going to take up too much room in the bed. I did get a little frustrated when I wrestled with him to remove his case for washing. I found later it was even more difficult to put back on, but I managed. When my hubs got home from his softball game, he stared warily at The Beast as it eyed him from the bed. He too was a little concerned about giving up some of his space. We have a queen sized mattress, but my hubs is 6'3" and tends to need a little more then his half. But at the end of the evening, we all climbed into the bed together and I settled into the arms of The Beast, a little unsure of what the night would bring. The Beast and I managed to stay within the boundaries of my half of the bed. The Beast was soft, but not too soft. He was firm, but not too firm. He felt just right. I could feel my stomach and my back being supported simultaneously, as my head comfortably rested at the top. One leg over, one leg under, and everything was being lifted, held in and fully supported. I was very hopeful and amazed. But the true test would be sleeping through the night.

My typical night as of late, has been spent tossing and turning, going from one very uncomfortable position to, at best, a slightly less uncomfortable one. In the morning I rise to deep throbbing pain in both of my hips, my shoulders ache, and I have terrible back pain.

But last night, I slept on a cloud.

I vaguely remember waking up in a foggyy haze, maybe twice, to go pee, then quickly drifting back to sleep when I returned. I haven't had such a good, restful nights sleep since.... well since before I started looking pregnant. I may have even been more comfortable then before I became pregnant. When I woke up, I had absolutely zero back pain, and even though there was a faint dull feeling of pain in my hips, it was barely noticeable, and it may have been an impovement still over how they had felt before I got into bed in the first place. I woke up refreshed and ready to go!

Lets just say I am ecstatic over how wonderful The Beast made me feel last night! I can not wait to return to his healing arms this evening. If you are pregnant, or if you know anyone that is, get this pillow! It is worth every penny, and many more! I am sure this pillow would do wonders for even those who are not pregnant, but have other issues that may cause them to have a hard time getting comfortable in bed. I don't know how easy it will be to give up The Beast post-pregnancy. He may just be around for a while.

If you are interested, you can find this amazing pillow here: The Beast

As far as my job situation after the munchkin is here, things are looking much better then they did last week. Its' amazing how things can seem so terrible at one moment, then nearly resolved the next. Yesterday morning, I came to him with some new ideas. I proposed that I come into work M-F from 9-1. I had originally been hoping to work 7-11, which would work much better for me, but 9-1 would allow for there to be someone else here when my boss was gone for his 11:30 - 1:00 lunch break every day, so that my coworker would not be left alone to hold down the fort. Supposedly, we have an office manager, but she is hit or miss... its a long story. I told him that I would then dedicate 4 hours each day to work from home as well. I assured him that my work would get done, that I would still have my head in the game, and asked that we atleast give it a try. He agreed! I wanted to cry, I was so relieved! Actually I did cry... these hormones make me cry pretty easily though.

So, for now, that is the plan.

I am still going to have to figure out how & where to breastpump atleast once during that time frame, but I am not going to worry about that just yet.

I have also been trying to figure out what to do about daycare. I will need someone to watch munchkin from about 8:30 - 1:30 each day. An actual daycare, with tons of kids running around, and minimum wage paid teenagers trying to keep them under control, totally FREAKS me out! I am actually very fortunate to have a few other options. I have atleast 3 friends that babysit already from home and have offered to babysit for me as well. But munchkin will only be 3 mos old when I have to start taking her to stay with someone else, and I have been freaking out about what will be the best situation for her. She will be a newborn and I really want her to go somewhere where there aren't alot of other kids already, as she will need lots of love and attention. I also needed someone that would be patient with me and my ideas for what is best for my baby (e.g. cloth diapering, organic and homemade baby foods, etc.) What are the chances of finding someone like that?

I dare say, I think I have found someone exactly like that.

I have a friend named Sarah, that I have known since highschool. We didn't hang out alot back then, but we had classes together, and we liked each other. A few years ago, we were reunited through myspace (ahh the wonders of online social networking sites) and quickly became good friends. I saw her for the first time in almost 10 years at her baby shower and over the past couple of years we have been hanging out. Our hubbys get along great and I have come to adore her little baby girl (who she lovingly refers to as Goo). Our personalities are actually alot alike and I have come to think of her as sort of a kindred spirit.

A couple months back, she mentioned that she was going to be staying home full time with Goo again (she went back to work for a short period of time), and to keep her in mind for babysitting. I wasn't sure how serious she was, or what she really meant by it, but she was immediately moved to the #1 spot on my list of hopeful babysitter situations.

So 2 nights ago, I called her up and talked to her about it. I won't bore you with all of the details, but she really seemed excited about babysitting for me! I went back and forth with her the next morning through email, and I was seriously crying as I read through one of her emails. Here is an excerpt:

I would do everything I could to help you feel comfortable when you leave her each day. I would take lots of pictures for you and camcorder everything so you wouldn't have to feel like you were missing out on anything for those hours each day you were apart. I'm sure it's so hard to try and come up with the best daycare arrangements. I totally understand how hard it could be to imagine leaving your infant with daycare workers making minimum wage and with so many other kids to watch and not being able to give as much attention and care to yours. Plus, all the sickness and colds and ear infections and everything that goes along with being in childcare. Goo hasn't been sick since she was born, while her friends her age have had everything from the croup, flu, colds, ear infections, sinus infections, stomach viruses, etc. She has never had anything like that. I am never sick either. I haven't had the flu in 20 years. Therefore, I feel you would be able to feel comfortable that your baby wasn't always being so exposed to so many germs and viruses constantly.

I would totally feel comfortable with whatever routine you wanted for her. For example, if you only feed her organic or homemade babyfoods, or certain sleep schedules or playtime allowances or certain rules. I would feel comfortable with whatever routine you needed. Also, being a breastfeeding mom myself, I understand that whole routine as well.

I just can not express how good I feel about Sarah watching my baby. Its not just knowing her like I do, and the things she said to me in her email. Maybe call it intuition, but I just feel really really good about it. For the first time since we had to face the idea of me not being able to stay home full time, and what the heck we were going to do instead, I feel like this might just be okay after all.

So there you have it. After all of the ups and downs I have had over the last couple of weeks, it feels so good to be able to write about some really positive things going on. As I type this, the little munchkin has been moving around more then ever and I am really feeling her movements! I guess she is excited about the turns of events as well!

An update on my work situation and some pics of BBZ

Thank you all so much for your comments and your suggestions on my last blog! I think I am going to work on writing a letter to my boss, which will include a proposal of how this whole situation might not be as bad for him as he is thinking it is. He is a really nice guy, and I am hoping that if I can really get him to see my side and how important this is to me, while assuring him that my plan is to be back to my normal schedule in about a year, that he might reconsider and be willing to try to work something out with me. I am trying (for now) to not get too upset.

As far as the laws go... for a small business in Missouri, there is absolutely no laws that I can find that protect me, or help me as a mother, they only protect my boss. Since we are under 50 employees, I am not even guaranteed maternity leave. We have saved up enough money to cover my loss of income, while I am off work for 3 months after the baby is here. I am saving all of my vacation and sick pay for that time as well. But really, my boss doesn't even have to save my position for me or let me take off any work at all. So I am grateful that he is allowing me to take off those three months.

I would LOVE to stay home full time. If money was not an issue, there would be no question about it. But the money we would save on daycare, gas and everything else is not enough to offset the loss of my income. If we could still afford to stay in our house and pay all of our bills then I would definitely do it. Even if we could sell our home and move into an apartment, just so that I could stay home with our baby, I would do it. I really would. I have always wanted to stay at home with my kids. But because of financial decisions we have made in the past, and how much we have tied up in our home vs how much it would sell for, and everything going on with the economy, this is not really an option either.

Joe applied for a 2nd job last week. He thought, with the baby coming, it might be nice to make the extra money to have for whatever came up, or to pay off some bills. He has a friend that has been working for this company that routes calls from infommercials and other things to peoples homes to take the calls and their order. Its not bad pay, just to sit in your own home, answer the phone and take their order. We didn't think we would hear back for a while, as it took them a month to respond to Joe's friend, but Joe got an email back from them on Friday telling him they had accepted his application. It was a wierd coincidence that they emailed back the day my boss laid that news on me. Maybe this is something we can do to help us in our situation somehow. I haven't quite figured that out yet... but I am working on it.

Maybe all of this happened so I could figure out a better situation then I was planning on in the first place. I hope so. I just really want to do is be able to spend as much time as possible with my baby and to be able to breastfeed.

Saturday morning I got to spend some time with BBZ. This is my friend Anrazel's little munchkin. She dropped the little goober off while she went to get her hair done. I had so much fun playing with him. He is easily one of the happiest (and cutest) babies I have ever met in my entire life.

A Change in Plans.

Oh I am so frustrated... I just want to scream!

Last year about this time, before I got pregnant over the summer ( I had a miscarriage), my boss and I had a plan for me to start working full time from home once the baby arrived. I am a graphic designer. Everything I do here, I can do from home. So I bought a new computer and invested in all the necessary software out of my own pocket. I was just so grateful I would be able to work from home, I didn't even care about the investment (which, incidentally, was pretty expensive!) Then after I was pregnant, my boss decided that he really needed someone in the office atleast part time, so that I could help out with answering the phones and running the copier. This was disappointing, but doable. I planned on breastfeeding, so this way I wouldn't have to do much in the office with pumping, and with Joe's work schedule the baby would only need to be in daycare for about 3 hours a day. So even though we would have the added expense now of daycare, we could work it out.

So after we lost the baby last summer, we planned on trying again as soon as we could and would be sticking to the same game plan. Fast forward to now. I am five months pregnant. This morning, I brought up this subject to my boss and what hours I would be working. I knew I would be in the office for four hours a day, but I hadn't ever finalized with him what time frame that would be in. I was hoping I could work 7-11 ( I work 7-3 now), so that Joe could drop the baby off at 8:30 am and I could pick the baby up about 11:30 am after I got off work. It would have the baby in daycare the least amount of time possible.

So today, my boss informed me that he needs someone in here in my position full time in the office.

Crap.

He went on to say, that I could work in the office part time, but he was going to hire someone else to come in and work the other hours. I would not be able to work any hours from home, unless we just had a ton of extra work in. I would have to share a computer and a desk with someone else. As much as that would suck, that would be the least of my worries.

First of all, we can't afford for me to only work part time. With our budget exactly the way it is right now, we could maybe manage it, but with the new cost of daycare, and all of the other new expenses that come with a baby, it's just not possible. So then maybe I could pick up another part time job in the evenings? It would be really hard to find part time work in the evenings that would pay me enough.

But let's say I found one. Seems like all my problems are solved. Not really. Now I am working part time at my current job and a new person is coming in and finishing the rest of my shift. I would have to share my desk with them and my computer. I have been here for 6 years. I am the only one that has ever worked on my computer. I keep up with all the maintenance and the back up and I am very particular with the way all of my files are kept and organized. It would drive me crazy to have to keep in sync with someone else on the same computer. But even worse, there's going to be a pretty good chance that this person would prefer to be working there full time. And how long after I have them trained and everything is running smoothly, would my boss start to think it would be easier to just have one person in here full time. That doesn't sound like very good job security to me.

So maybe it would be best to just stay working here full time and send the baby to day care full time. Maybe that will be what we have to do. As much as I want to stay home with the baby more, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I didn't have my heart set on breastfeeding for atleast the first year. It shouldn't be that hard to figure it out. Breastpump during the day, so I have bottles to give the daycare for the next day. Sure it sounds feasible, but what if you work in a print shop, where your desk is out in the open, and there is only one bathroom that everyone shares? Where will I breastpump? This is something that will have to take place several times a day for 20 minutes. Where will I go? I can't really use the bathroom. There's just one toilet that everybody shares (mostly men). And its not kept very clean... it is a print shop after all. There's no privacy whatsoever at my desk. I am set up in the front office, with another designer and the office manager. All of our customers come right into the front door and can see us all at our desks.

I have alot to think about and alot to figure out.

Fuck.

Anyone have any good suggestions?